Monday, December 6, 2010

We Wish You A Merry Christmas???

[[To my son...I know you said it was too long and no one will read it, but you know what? You and I laughed together while I wrote this and that is the best!! This one's for you... Merry Christmas my little boy!!]]



So my husband and I were having a nice relaxing dinner of chicken pot pie the other night. Just as I was about to sip my Cabernet, the doorbell rang. The children were all in various parts of the house so they weren't going to answer the door.  As my husband was sliding his chair out from under him, we heard a lovely harmonized humming from out front. I decided to join him as I suspected carolers.

We were pleasantly surprised to see a group of 6-7 men and woman standing at the bottom of our stairs humming quietly. It was beautiful and with the glistening snow behind them, it was simply a peaceful, charming scene.

As they started, my husband grabbed my hand...

"We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
And a happy New Year."

So awesome. I screamed for my kids but when one of the women cringed, I decided I'd better hunt them down. I didn't want them to miss all this Christmas cheer. 

The kids begrudgingly joined us at the door and were horrified to see grown men and women singing to us. I gave them the evil eye signaling to keep quiet and look as if this is the most magical thing in the world they've ever seen. They obliged.

"Glad tidings we bring
To you and your kin;
Glad tidings for Christmas
And a happy New Year!"

Awww...so sweet. Although I think the little woman on the end is freezing. But my husband's getting into it and is smiling and swaying and I'm smiling but also wondering how cold my dinner is getting.

"So bring us some figgy pudding
So bring us some figgy pudding
So bring us some figgy pudding
Please bring it right here!"

I'm sorry. What was that? I look quickly at my husband and mutter so they can't hear me, "What did they just say?" He has terror in his eyes as he responds, "Not sure, something about fruity pudding - do you have any jello?" "Maybe we misunderstood. Just keep smiling."

"Glad tidings we bring
To you and your kin;
Glad tidings for Christmas
And a happy New Year!"

"Ah, that's better. " We both think to our selves. The snow starts to gently fall. The kids are even getting a little into it. It's so picturesque that the chicken pot pie is actually forgotten. The wine, not so much.

"We won't go until we get some
We won't go until we get some
We won't go until we get some
So bring it out here!"

I glance at my husband again. He shifts his eyes at me, then quickly back to the group. Surely we misunderstood.  But they just keep repeating this.

"Bring what?" I ask him.
"Not sure? Maybe that fruity pudding stuff."
"It's figgy pudding, dad," my daughter pipes up.

"So bring us some figgy pudding
So bring us some figgy pudding
So bring us some figgy pudding
Please bring it right here!"

"Yup. It's figgy pudding alright," I say. Still smiling.

"We won't go until we get some
We won't go until we get some
We won't go until we get some
So bring it out here!"

An hour and  a half later. They are still at our door. Switching between so bring us some of that fig crap and we ain't leaving until we get some. My husband's all "Maybe we should call the cops." I cleaned up our dinner dishes, got the kids in bed and while I was folding the laundry, still they went on and on.

CRASH!!!   WTF

"Oh my God, honey! One of them just threw a rock at our door," My husband comes flying into the bedroom with a crazed look on his face. "What the hell are we gonna do?" Do you know how to make figgy pudding?" He screamed. "Maybe if we just make some and give it to them, they'll leave."

"Honey, I don't even know what the hell a fig is. Can I make them chocolate pudding? I have that."

"NO!" He screams, grabs his hat and coat and amidst snowballs being hurled at warped speed at his car, takes off for the store."

Some how I fell asleep to the lulling sound of people demanding milk based desserts. And woke to the blender whirring away in the kitchen. I stumbled down the stairs, hearing them telling us they still ain't leaving. Oh my head!

"Are you serious? Are you freakin' making figgy pudding?" I asked my husband, who at this point looked possessed.

"Honey,"  he's whispering, "they are not leaving" they won't leave until the get some, can't you HEAR them? If I don't get this made," he's panting now, "they may never leave. I fear for the kid's safety. Holy shit. What was that?"

"Nothing. Honey, your starting to lose it."

"Pass me that flamingo egg," he yells.

Seriously, where the hell did he find that?

With a quick whisk of the egg, a plop into 6-7 bowls, it was done. All I kept thinking was, what if it sucks and they won't take it? What if they want whipped cream? I don't have any. God. Hear our prayer. Make them go away!!

With what can only be described as pure unadulterated fear, we opened our door. There they were all red faced from singing, lack of sleep and toilet facilities, I imagine, glaring at us. My husband, like Oliver asking for more food, offers up the bowls.

They pass the bowls around. As they begin to eat, the sun starts rising in the East and all might just be right for the world. We hold our breath. And wait....

"Glad tidings we bring
To you and your kin;
Glad tidings for Christmas
And a happy New Year!"

Do I dare breathe. Is that a smile on one of their faces?

We wish you a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas
And a happy New Year."

And like they were never here, they left. Not even a thank you. Really? But there was silence.  The only sound...my husband licking his fingers.

"Damn this stuff is good"

I ran inside, called my neighbor. "DO NOT ANSWER THE DOOR!!!"

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