Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Toe Cleavage Makes Me Gag
Toe cleav....Ewww...can't even write it again...I can't stand that little "Y" peeking out at the tops of lady's shoes. Yet, I can't help staring at it. Put it away. It's bad enough I have to stare at your actual cleavage, on your feet it's just wrong.
Cracked heels. Now I have cracked heels all winter. It's gross and I'd like to tell you that I scrub them in the shower with a hard piece of coral until I build up little piles of crusty skin. But it's winter so, NO I don't care, much like my hairy legs. I don't even care that my sock snag on them as I try to put them on (the heels and the legs). But in the summer? If there is any sign of a crack even thinking about showing it's ugly head, it is scrubbed and lotioned and vaselined to within an inch of it's little crappy, cracky life. But for some women, this grossness alludes them. There all talking and I can't concentrate 'cause all I hear is c r a c k. GROSS....
The least offender of the pod is the chipped toe nail polish. I get it, we're all busy. We all run out of time. But somewhere between that little chip that came off and that little chip that is left, there's a lot of time. Get on this! It's not like your feet aren't staring you in the face each day. You really can't miss them. Or, don't do it at all. NO!!! Scratch that. That's another thing that kinda grosses me out. Unpolished toes. I don't even like looking at my own unpolished toes, but it's winter, so no one can see. Ewwww!!!
Let's not leave the men's feet out 'cause if truth be told, they should all just be chopped off....
Oh, help me Lord if my husband accidentally brushes up against me with one of those things. Gag.
Long toenails - gag! And if they are discolored - gaaaaggg!!!! And if he's wearing sandals so I have to look at them - help me!!!!! And if they try and carry a conversation with me? (the man, not the toenails, but really it's the toenails I hear). Great, I think I'm gonna throw up my power bar!
And Holy Mother of God if my husband ever gets too old that he can't cut his own hard, yellowish toenails, it's off to the vets. And you can bet, I'll be gagging the entire way.
(Maybe I was a misunderstood podiatrist in other life.)
at 2:44 PM