Saturday, November 6, 2010

Smells Like Teen Something Or Other

Oh, yes it does. All over my house. Axe, Axe, Axe!!!! I have three boys. God, give me strength or at least  5 years of nasal congestion. I don't need an alarm clock to get me up in the morning, no siree Bob. My sons get the gentle berating from the buzzer to wake them up, I get the wafting aroma of Kilo. It is so not gentle, it's an assault!! It is not the best part of waking up, I assure you.

I am like a canine following the scent of a killer. I can track their exact whereabouts. They start in the bathroom, then head to their bedroom, then down the stairs, to the family room, back to the kitchen, back up to the bathroom and back down again and finally, out the front door, down to the mailbox. Yes, oh yes, I can continue to follow their scent to the mailbox and I am sure if was brave enough, I could follow it onto the bus. But that would be stupid because I know it would just be drowned out with the other killer's, I mean teenager's scent. How does the bus driver stand it?!

Around 2:15 it starts to dissipate. I have 15 minutes of fresh air. I can almost smell my cookies baking and  then WHAM they are back in at 2:30. It is still clinging to them. Did they reapply on the bus?

My sons both ran out of Axe at the same time, I know, crazy right? It must be like when girls get their period at the same time if they all live in the same household. (or, perhaps when a mom goes out into the woods and holds down the spray button, jk). And it was a couple of days before I could replace it. Okay, I wasn't running right out, maybe I was going to enjoy my scented candles for a day, maybe I just needed a break. Is that too much to ask???!!!

Here is where I eat a little crow, scrape the egg off my face - not sure which of these is correct but...

Good Fah-ree-kin' Heavens!!!! Bring back the AXE!!!!

It really took just two days. That was all it took. Two little ol' flowers wilted, food didn't taste the same, my hair straightened all by itself, my husband stopped smiling, my daughter stopped dancing, neighbors began to fear the worst, we all lost our zest for life, neighbors began to worry, did I mention that? I think they called 911. I can imagine that call...

911: What is your emergency?

Mrs. Kravitz: Um, I'm not completely sure. But there's an odor coming from my neighbor's house and we are REALLY concerned. We are beginning to think the worst.

911: Have you seen anyone go in or come out of the residence?

Mrs. Kravitz: Well, yes, that's the strange part. I did see the father leave yesterday, actually, he ran to the car, rolled all his windows down and sped away. It's so very strange. But that smell. You don't think..? They were such a happy family. No one would have expected this.

911: We'll send help right away.

Mrs. Kravitz: You may need to bring an Axe!


  1. This is so funny! Great--look what I have to look forward to! I have a pre-teen that we have to argue with to shower.

  2. I also have a pre-teen and showering is NOT on the top of his list. Guess he's not too interested in girls yet (thank God).

  3. my 6 year old could use some Axe some days. The kid stinks after gym.