Saturday, November 27, 2010

One Hit Wonder...NO WONDER

I'm driving down the road and Lonely Boy comes on by Andrew Gold. A blast from the past. I'm all excited, I know every word and I'm blaring it and singing it Do you hear these lyrics?? Was this really a song?? Did we all sing this back in 1977 (which explains everything, I was 13 and had no clue what I was singing about).  I laugh. What if my 16 yo son heard me singing this? He already thinks my songs are lame. Talk about fuel.


Lonely Boy Lyrics


Shall we examine this closer??? You know you want to...

He was born on a summer day, 1951 - So far so good.
And with the slap of a hand - Ouch...guess they did that back then.
He had landed as an only son - Well...first borns usually are the only child. Remember that.
His mother and father said "what a lovely boy" - Yes, we said that when our first son was born, right before, we were smacked by the doctor and told "He has a penis".
We'll teach him what we learned - We'll also leave a lot out.
Ah yes, just what we learned - Nope. Sticking to leaving a few things out. We don't want to. screw. him. up.
We'll dress him up warmly and - Oh, and we'll feed him, too, right?
We'll send him to school - After a few years of homeschooling, though.
It'll teach him how to fight - 'Cause we're sending him to a bad, bad school.
To be nobody's fool - Yeah, not my lovely boy!
Oh, oh, what a lonely boy - Well, like I said, this is how that first child thing works.
Oh, what a lonely boy
Oh, what a lonely boy

In the summer of '53 his mother - Okay, here we go, another child. A lot of people do this you know?
Brought him a sister - Awww...I wonder if they called her handsome?
But she told him "we must attend to her needs" - yes, like being warm and sending her to that bad school you go to.
"She's so much younger than you" - Again, you're two and she's zero. Got that? You really need some math.
Well, he ran down the hall and he cried - Wait. What's the deal? Your friend Roger has two younger siblings, right? She'll be a friend and you won't be lonely anymore. We were just thinking of YOU!!! "Think he bought it?"
Oh, how could his parents have lied - Guess not. We never told you we were only going to have one child! And why the hell would we discuss this with a two year old, anyway?
When they said he was an only son - Oh, I see the miscommunication now...well, we meant you were the only one at this point. When we add another child that makes two. You would understand that if you took a math class. BTW, we still think you're lovely.
He thought he was the only one - Well, you were. Christ sakes, do I really need to effin' explain this again?
Oh, oh, what a lonely boy - Enough of that...go to your room!
Oh, what a lonely boy
Oh, what a lonely boy
[Instrumental Interlude] - la la la la la
He left home on a winter day, 1969 - He's 18, I did the math. Guess he's not going to college. Well, all he knows how to do is fight and not be a fool. Maybe he should to into the army. No fools there.
And he hoped to find all the love - Yah, he's such a catch. Poor momma's boy!
He had lost in that earlier time - Just what some poor girl give him the love he never, ever got from his mommy and daddy.
Well, his sister grew up - They do that.
And she married a man - They do that, too. Well, some opt for a professional career and then get married and some of course, marry women.
He gave her a son - He did? Was this a wedding gift?
Ah yes, a lovely son - Oh, grandma!
They dressed him up warmly - She learned something from her mom,
They sent him to school - For reading, writing and arithmetic, right?
It taught him how to fight - WTF? Really? You didn't learn anything from your brother?
To be nobody's fool - Good grief, maybe not a fool, but a sniveling brat fo sho!
Oh, oh, what a lonely boy - See? I think he should call his uncle and the two of them can go rent a cabin, cuddle their blankies and throw darts at their mom's photo.
Oh, what a lonely boy - Oh, gimme a break, we don't care! Just don't call your  mom. She's now an alcoholic-manic-depressive because of you. And she'll end up telling you about your sister who's also an alcoholic-manic-depressive. Such lovely boys, you two!
Oh, what a lonely boy - Nobody gives a shit anymore!!

Okay, he redeemed himself, he wrote "Thank you for being a friend".
Love me some Golden Girls!


  1. OMG- this song sucks. HAHA!! I had heard it once or twice in my life. What gets me is that most of the music from back then make me wonder, what the fuck? Why bother us with this shit??? WHY??

  2. Well, I never thought his folks were lying. He is the only SON they have so he has no business getting all pissy about it. Now, had they given him a brother maybe he would have justification.

    And I know from experience that had they given him a brother they would not have needed to send him to school for him to learn to fight. As soon as baby brother was mobile & in his stuff he'd have figured THAT out.

  3. Too funny. The song is pretty lame. Stacey that's so funny! Why didn't his parents approach it from that angle - you ARE the only son. HAHAHA

  4. OMGosh.....I used to love this'm not so sure (I must have been on drugs back then)Mustof been that I never really listened to the words. You're right! "What the H*LL?"