Friday, October 22, 2010

My Guest Blogger's HERE!!!!

Yes, she is!!! I've been waiting for this all week!!!

The always hilarious Sara has agreed to be my partner for the assignment given to us by the blogging site SITS (notice the badge on the bottom left). They paired us humor bloggers up to guest blog on each other's blog.

I have been sooo lucky to be paired up Sara! Since this is my first guest blogging experience, Sara has been an absolute doll. Thank you, Sara. We're now bffs.

So, without further ado...the lovely Lambwhore and Goatslut leader...Sara...Oh, and for more of her hilarity. please visit Sara's site here!

Sometimes being crazy is ok. But I'm fully qualified to being your leader. 

I will be the first person to tell you that I think I have a wee bit of crazy in me. And I'm ok. I'm also sometimes selfish yet more giving than I'm able to be, I'm a complete bitch yet I can be the nicest person you'll ever meet. I'm organized to the point I drive others crazy but I feel cluttered and overwhelmed with crap.

I can't even figure myself out.

But I have a lot of things about me that make me...unique. My husband would insist I have obsessive compulsive disorder but I disagree because I am nothing like those people you see on shows. Sure, I have to be massaged equally on both sides of my body. I can't step on a crack with me left foot without doing it with my right. I like the fringe on rugs to be straight. I like everything in groups of three if they are used for decoration. Anything else needs to be even numbers. I'm freaking out because I have three cats and I feel like I need to get another one so we have an even number. You can't touch me on one side and not the other because I'll feel lopsided the whole time.

I mean, little stuff like that. That's totally normal.

Here's some Sara fun facts:

1. My husband and I are not a great match. We actually barely get along and we have almost nothing in common. I have actually no good reason for an answer when someone asks me what made me fall in love or want to get married to him. I can't even think up a good lie to that.

2. My kids are adorable. Everybody loves cute kids. Mine are cute, can sing songs from the radio and have attitude. My daughter also has a pooping problem that drives me insane and you'll get to see me gag when I clean up poop. My son likes to play with his "dangly parts" as my daughter says. He also roars for no reason.

3. My house is falling apart. My husband is skilled and capable of fixing these things but is unwilling. So in the meantime I watch HGTV with fierce jealously and secretly hope a natural disaster comes and destroys it all.

4. I have a strained relationship with most of my in-laws. My sister and brother in law are awesome and fun but my husband's parents hate me. And it's pretty much mutual. It's fun times. I am often alone on holiday celebrations because it's better to just eat Spaghetti O's and watch Teen Mom then endure hours of being in a room full of people who don't like you. Not many people can say their mother in law tried to pay off the groom the day of the wedding.

5. My cats are crazy and I'm not sure why. Lenny is gay and humps blankets but has now moved onto towels and sweaters. Stumpy eats toilet paper and drinks out of the toilet. Batman hisses at things that aren't there.

6. I have an awesome job at a college bookstore. But I've worked in places that should have been filmed for The Office. Or Office Space 2.0. Complete with Catholics, incompetence, and egos.

7. I have a strained relationship with my own family and while I try to balance the line of being myself and being who they think I am... I often fail miserably and it always ends with me being an asshole and ruining everything. Christmas is usually fun.

8. I often have what my husband calls "diarrhea of the mouth" because I say things long before I even think I should think about it before I say it. I often embarrass people without even realizing it. I will say the most inappropriate thing every time. (I'm available for parties and private bookings. Call me.)

9. I'm useless in emergency situations. If someone cuts them severely (like when my husband's hand was sliced open requiring a lot of stitches) you won't find me looking for bandages or calling 911. Nope- I'm laughing hard and trying not pee myself. You also don't want me to help you move. I can unpack and stuff but carrying anything? You don't want me. I'll be laughing the whole time and probably drop it. Sorry.

10. I'm going to be famous someday when my memoirs are published. You'll want to know me now. Just sayin.

So that? Is why you should be my lambwhore. Oh- and you should buy my stuff (


  1. Thanks cutie! Your post is up on my blog right now and I will be properly whoring you out all weekend my love. :)

  2. I just read both posts-and am now a lambwhore too--hell yeah!
    Love you both. Can't resist any happy place that makes me piss myself while I'm having my morning joe. :D

  3. Always nice to know I'm not the only one with in-laws / family tensions.

  4. "My house is falling apart. My husband is skilled and capable of fixing these things but is unwilling"

    Hey! Me too!

  5. Ha! What an excellent post!
    I, too, have nearly nothing in common with my husband.
    That is something about your in-laws. Yeegads!

  6. Awesome post, from one of my favorite bloggers. I'm gonna go read yours now!