Friday, October 1, 2010

My Bologna Has A First Name - It's Cancer

It's not surprising, right? This new finding from The World Cancer Research Fund that states "Processed Meats Too Dangerous for Human Consumption." I mean none of us are like, "What??? Bacon and bologna and sausage are bad for me?" Damn!!!

But seeing it in writing. Man, seeing those words "links between diet and cancer." and "Consumers should stop buying and eating all processed meat products for the rest of their lives." They italicized it not me. That's some serious crap!

I said farewell to bologna long ago. It was a bitter break-up as all first loves usually are. I would love to share my story with you. 

Bologna and I did have a long and fulfilling grade school relationship. Well, I was filled, anyway. Sitting in the lunch room - that smelly little carton of milk, the raucous sound of excited children getting their hot school lunches and me and my little bologna sandwich on white, bleached, processed bread - you better believe it! It was true love. It was first love. It was not destined to last.

Then something changed. I changed. I did feel bad bologna, you must believe me! And it wasn't because of your dirty little secret, no! I guess I was growing up, finding myself, finding other lunch friends. Boy, me and peanut butter and fluff were never parted in high school, huh?  I apologize for that - she was just so different, so sweet. I needed her.

Then came college. You know how it is - there was a different lunch each day, it seems. I'm not proud of it and I don't condone all that messing around but isn't that part of finding out what you like? I don't regret Mac & Cheese (oh, he was so comforting) or Fettucini Alfredo (ahh...the Italians, no? Bellissimo. He was a devil tho, I blush at what we did together). But he did cause me the ol' Freshman 15 he did, that's okay, no regrets, right?

Well, then I became an adult. I got married, settled down, ate salads. I know you don't understand. But salads and lean chicken are just the adult thing to do. Dammit, if you ever grew up, you would understand!! But...I won't be mad at you. I am beyond that. I meditate, I do yoga, I put on 75+ sunblock, I don't expect you to understand. I let it goooo...

In closing, I would like to say that I know you wish we could go back to the ways things were, and sometimes I look back on those days with such fondness, and I too would love one more roll around with you. Ah, but we were so young and carefree. Now you cause cancer and I am trying desperately do avoid cancer.

It was never, ever meant to be.


  1. Oh my gosh, I love it. I have such a love affair with junk food... I eat really healthy for about seven days, then I feel an irresistible pull to Chik-Fil-A or Krispy Kreme. I eat it, then I'm find for another few days!!! I'm grateful for your post :)

  2. Thanks! I can relate with my McDonald's fries...just gotta have them and then I'm good! Glad you enjoyed!

  3. Sorry......'NO WAY - JOSE!'....I'm not giving up my bologna (I love bologna!) I just try not to think about what's in it, okay! ( thanks DLK, for letting me in on the little cancer scare, girlfriend!) :):) And as far as getting cancer is concerned, .....I'm sure my liver will fail first (from the amount of drinking I do on a daily basis), way before cancer takes over my body! And, no, I don't wear sunscreen...I'm just walking around like a virgin out there waiting for diseases to take over my body! (Have I told you how pathetic I am!?)

  4. I used to LIVE on bologna. And now I'm terrified of it. As I am with turkey meat and every other kind of deli meat. Darn those nitrates!