Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Me vs. Man vs. Food

Well, here's my lovely family all gathered around the t.v. watching Man vs. Food like any respectable, All-American family. Have you seen this? I don't know - I guess this guy travels the country and eats a lot of big, disgusting food. Or attempts to anyway. That's the draw, that's the exciting part. Will he eat it? Will the food win? Hell, I watch this show every night when I serve my family dinner. Will son #2 eat this tonight? How can he disguise the food so it appears that he's consumed it? My daughter's in on it too, she'll start telling me a story to distract me from son #2? It's a painful show that I wouldn't subject their own grandmother to. So, now I'm forced to watch a grown up battle the food on his plate? Yipee!

The show starts and this particular episode is all about how Adam has to eat an enormous pulled pork sandwich (seriously, it could feed a family of 8). BUT this isn't just any pulled pork sandwich, no, this has a bucket of coleslaw on it and 6 oz. of Shut Up Juice (this means it has the juice of some really spicy pepper, equivalent to 200 jalapenos) slathered all over it.. 64 people have conquered. Adam has to get it all down, and hold it down for 5 minutes. Gross.

But the kids are all excited and my husband is out of his mind, 'cause it's BBQ and hot and I'm actually in the room about to watch this with him. Well, maybe the last one he could care less about.

"Does he realize how bad this is for his health? Not the hot part but the amount fat that's in that sandwich?"

"Honey, usually his food is like 15 lbs. Just watch."

"He is just doing this for the money," I say. Incredulous that someone would risk their life for money. Oh wait, I watch Wipe-Out and Real Housewives.

 "Well, no, honey, he loves going up against big food or hot food and sometimes, sometimes the food wins."

"Yes, but what about his cholesterol? He doesn't look as if he is in that good of shape. Didn't he watch Super Size Me?"

"What?"

"This could kill him. Does he have a doctor monitoring his heart?"

"Huh, oh look, he's perspiring all down his face - he might lose this time."

"I don't understand. He has to eat a lot of food and people cheer him on, really? Haven't we learned anything about portion control. OMG his face is as red as my hair. Someone needs to step in. I hope he carries a defibrillator with him."

"No one can step in. What are you talking about? Look, he's gonna do it...okay, now he has to hold it down for 5 minutes."

"What, like he loses the game if he throws up? It is possible that his body may be a tad smarter than he is and feels it is in his life's best interest to purge this mess!"

"5,4,3,2,1" My family is all counting down now. Good grief. "Wow - that was awesome." They all agree. "Now he's drinking some milk to cool his burning mouth."

"What about his heart burn, agita, can you imagine the sodium level in that? Is he married?"

"Why?"

"Cause how can his wife let him do this? He is going to end up 600 lbs. and on a Discovery Channel show about the morbidly obese that can't get out of bed, and I'll be helpless to watch (shameless plug for my upcoming guest blog). Do you think they pump his stomach after these shows?"

"No. Honey, relax, he wouldn't do this if it was dangerous. Can you be quiet for 5 minutes?"

"5,4,3,2,1" My family began counting down.

"I really just don't see..."

Man vs. Food - 1 Me - 0

5 comments:

  1. Oh grossness. I have only seen maybe 3 minutes of the show and it apparently was a crucial 3 minutes because I almost puked at the end. EW.

    Plus-- I'm the pickiest eater ever and watching people eat normal food (like vegetables) makes me gag. I have low tolerance for stuff like that. :) LOL!

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  2. I've seen some of the episodes, it's often on before No Reservations and I love me some Tony Bourdain. The show reminds me of some college frat initiation or something. Like this guy just isn't ready to stop being "that guy" in the frat. The one who could eat anything or drink anything on a dare & was usually drunk at the time.

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  3. I admit it...total guilty pleasure. I say, as I'm watching Real Housewives of ATL. Something about train wrecks. Just can't help it. Mmmmm, this wine is goooood. :D

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  4. The show was pretty gross. I just didn't get it. But as far as guilty pleasures, I am guilty as sin. I too watch and have been known to Tivo Real Housewives of OC (God forbid I miss an episode) but the worse one is...please still be my friends - Ghost Whisperer. LOL!

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  5. He's as red as your hair - Bwahahahahaha!
    Can't wait for your upcoming guest blog!
    I haven't seen this show, but a regular sized pulled pork sandwich minus the hot sauce sounds good right about now.

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