Monday, September 27, 2010

Still Distracted By Shiny Objects...Thank GOD!

"Ahem...As I sit at the kitchen table on the eve of my 50th birthday I ponder my life. I think about the life that lies ahead of me. I get excited at the prospect of all that I still have left to accomplish. I feel...I feel... 50, 50 Fifffffftttyyyyyy!"

"Ah, Di, you're only 45 and your birthday is a month away."

"Fifffffftyyyyyy....well, soon I'll be 50."

"And soon I will be 87 but you don't see me lamenting my life past or dreaming of my future, do you?"

"Well, dearest, you are not a sensitive soul. You don't lament anything. Even the cancellation of Six Feet Under, which as you would know if you lamented anything, had THE best endings in the history of endings."

"Yes, but you over think everything. Why are you saying that you are going to be 50?"

"I'm just practicing."


"I need to feel it roll off my tongue to see how I feel about it. Fiffffttyyyyy"

"And how do you feel?"

"Well, it's hard to say."

"Why, 'cause you're not 50 yet?"

"No. Yes. Dammit."

"It felt kinda icky didn't it?"

"Yes. What am I going to do?  50. It's"

"Old? You're only as old as you..."

"Shut up. Really, that saying sucks. I feel old now."

"You look great, though."

"Seriously? Can't you see the lines? No, not the ones on my face, goober, the ones between my breasts. All of a sudden I looked and there's these three lines. WTF is that?"

"Honestly, I've never really noticed. Hmmmm....what do you want for your birthday?"

"A boob lift."

"I can work with that."

"What? My 34 Wanna-Bs just aren't doing it for ya?"

"How about an iPad?"

"Ohhh awesome. Yes. I would love that. I was thinking about getting a new laptop but I think I might like the iPad more. I can bring the photos to mom. I just don't know about that little keyboard. Do you think I'll get used to it? I should keep my laptop for home use. Right?"

"Sure. Let's head on over to the Mac store."

"I'll grab my coat. What were we just talking about?"


  1. I assume we must say Great Job Mr. Di, for distracting you.
    I just had my b-day and can relate to the deer in the headlights realization... Damn I'm OLD... when did THAT happen?