Saturday, July 24, 2010

Remote Control(ing)


It's time to come clean. I am a woman who needs to be in control of the remote. There, I said it. It feels good to get that off my chest. I know there are many women who can’t understand the whole “control of the remote” thing. I’m going to blame it on the fact that I was one of six children and my father was a remote hog…oh, wait…we didn’t have remotes back then. Well, maybe it was because I had to get up to change the channel at my parent’s whim and I am still affected. That‘s right, I remember saying to myself, “Never again, never will I subject my children to this when the remote control is invented.”

Please allow me to explain. As any self professed remote hog will tell you -it’s all about channel surfing and evading the commercials. My husband is a terrible channel surfer and he is worse with the Tivo remote. “Honey, when you are fast forwarding through the commercials you have to go just a little bit into the show you are watching because the fast forward button will bounce back a few screens.” “Huh?” He’s all confused. It’s at the point now that when I sit down, he hands the remote control over. I know the men are just cringing.

When we are watching television I can pause just long enough on a show to see if it is something we want to watch. This is very tricky and few have mastered it. There is a fine line between just checking a show and “why are you wasting your time with this”? I can leave a show that we are watching which has gone to a commercial break, flip to another show that might be sort of interesting (you know, Larry King Live or Emeril) and get back to the original show without so much as a missing word. I know…it’s a talent. One my husband has failed at many times. He’ll get sucked into watching an infomercial (on a ladder) if I let him. Or worse, a “Whose the Boss” rerun. It’s much too painful.

Yes, I am a remote hog. And I think I can speak for all remote hogs when I say: We are not hurting anyone. We simply want less commercials and a television that can think like we do. Is that so bad?  Perhaps I should leave out the part where I have called my husband and children into my bedroom to search for the remote. High and low they must look, under and over. No! Don’t change the channel with the button on the television set, goodness, don’t you remember? Never again.

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